I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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