and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's never too late to be topless.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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