Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
