Have you finally orgasmed yet?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
