Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
