and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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