i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
