About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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