There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
