The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
