Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
