i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
