No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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