Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
