I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
