im drinking this country out of the recession.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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