I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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