Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
