its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
