I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
