Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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