Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Buhtt sex?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
