can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
