I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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