Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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