well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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