would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
