"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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