So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
