Grow some girl-balls and come out already
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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