careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
