so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
