My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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