i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
