woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
