I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
