I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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