I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
