You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
