at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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