3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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