I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
