my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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