u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
