My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
