We named our party play list daddy issues
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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