Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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