I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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