Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
