So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
