he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
