The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
