Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
