here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
